7th years itch

Gw pernah baca di internet, ada mitos dalam pernikahan bahwa di tahun ke 7 mayoritas akan mengalami syndrome itch ini.

Wikipedia—

The seven-year itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage.^[1] The phrase originated as a name for irritating and contagious skin complaints of a long duration. Examples of reference may have included STD outbreaks that are known to significantly decrease in frequency after seven years, or mites that live under the skin (scabies) and cause severe itching that is hard to get rid of. Later on in the 19th and early 20th centuries it was viewed as an expression of imagined appropriate punishment for antisocial behavior, or as a simile for a situation with little hope in relief.^[2]

Awalnya sih buat gw none sense. Toh pernikahan gw udah lewat dari usia 7 tahun. Eeeits tapi mungkin gw terlalu cepat mengambil kesimpulan.

Bahwa gw mulai merasa kualitas hubungan kami berkurang. Gw kehilangan “excitement” bersama suamik. Gw tidak lagi merasa happy, semua mulai terasa hambar. Excitement untuk melakukan macam2 hal sama suamik juga berkurang…jauh. Sehari-hari yaa dijalani aja sesuai ritual dan rutinitas yang ada. Posisi baru gw dikantor “banyak membantu” gw menyita waktu dan pikiran gw setiap hari. Sampai rumah sibuk beberes ini-itu. Gw tak lagi kepingin cerita banyak hal dengan suamik. Seringkali hanya ingin main sama kucing untuk melepas stress.

Capek pikiran, capek badan. Karena sama-sama capek, kalau ada satu trigger kecil saja, kami bisa ribut. Kadang hal sepele tapi bisa menyita emosi banget. Sekarang gw mulai merasa capek hati. Sjujurnya dari awal tahun ini gw mulai bertanya2, apakah gw harus tetap mempertahankan pernikahan ini?

Banyaknya sakit dan kecewa yang terpendam jadi mencuat ke permukaan. I never thought loving someone can be this hard. Gw mulai berfikir, I deserve better than this. I deserve better than him. I deserve someone who can appreciate me, proud of me, loves me. Dia mungkin sayang gw tapi dia gagal untuk menunjukkan kasih sayangnya. I lost passion. Our marriage is no longer passionate, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I just want to give up.

I want something new. Screw up all routine. Be spontaneous. I want to feel again those butterflies on my stomach. The Heart beat fast phases. I want to fallin in love again.

But you see, my husband is not that kind of guy. He is not romantic. He probably the most UN-ROMANTIC person I’ve known. He doesn’t like surprises. He never talks cheesy “gombal-gombal” on me. He is not even once calls me beautiful. How sad is that? I thought I knew him and I can except for who he is. After 10 years it still bugging me, so I guess I never excepting the way he is, because I know I needed to be cherished. I need to hear those cheesy words. I need someone who look me in the eyes and says ” you mean the world to me”. Yes, I’m that cheesy.. but that’s me. And I never get it from him. Ever.

I don’t know how to fix it, or have faith it could be fixed.

Sigh

Mungkin gw harus mengingat ulang tujuan pernikahan gw.

Gw harus belajar agama lebih dalam, mungkin perspekstif gw salah. Sungguh gak gampanglah membina rumah tangga. Apa bisa gw melepas semuanya gitu aja? Yah, dia juga pasti banyak merasa kecewa sama gw. Gw yakin itu. Ya kalau sama-sama kecewa dan ga bahagia, apa masih harus dipertahanin?

Ih bener deh itchy ini mengganggu sekali.

Kadang gw berharap dia selingkuh, then, it will be easier to split out. I can blame him for that.

Aduh, what was I thinking?

*yawn