longing~

You used to say, “Don’t ask me those question! I don’t like it”,

every time I ask, “do you love me?”

You used to say, “Don’t say that, it’s annoying!” ,

every time I ask, “do you miss me? coz I miss you”

You used to say, “You’re not pretty, just an average” ,

every time I ask “do I look beautiful to you?”

You used to say, “I don’t want buying you chocolate, I just don’t want it!”

every time I ask, “you never give me flowers, that’s ok, but can I get a chocolate bar for valentine this time? The cheap one is OK I want chocolate from you”.

For so many years I’ve been feeling rejected,

You have been like that all the time.

It took me years to be able to cope with not having rejection feeling.

It took me years to learn to love myself. To hear what I needed.

Not to seek your approval and be OK with it.

This morning you send an “I miss you” text through WhatsApp—

After this entire hurricane, you finally saying you missed me.

I cried.

Not because I miss you too,

I cried that I finally hear what I have been longing for 12 years.

But It is too late now.

It is too god damn late that when you finally say “I miss U”,

I could give a clear answer, “I’m no longer misses you”.